Normal is way too overrated, if it exists at all. Yesterday i ceased a 186 day language learning streak, not a little like when Forrest Gump stopped running. Neither could i ever stop learning anymore than i could stop breathing or prevent the image of Forrest Gump from bubbling up to my consciousness. But for those 186 days, my lessons were as much a part of my makeup as family members and family memories which i don’t want to forget. Does that make this learning experience, normal? What about writing essays, is that normal behavior - especially essays more concerned with reducing my anxiety, than yours? I was born cross-eyed with a bald patch on my left temporal lobe - normal has never been an option for me, much to my sibling’s chagrin. At one point in my life i even believed it was necessary to accentuate my eccentricities, much to my parents' chagrin. Today, i am grateful to the universe for giving me something at birth, which i fear too many others will live their entire lives never knowing - what it feels like to be different. In psychiatric jargon, to become apart is labeled “individuation” and lauded - sort of; “normalization” is also a behavioral modification modality employed by workers of the mind to diminish anxiety - so what is the objective, according to whom¿ Having no frame of reference except for what i would never be - Normal - my socialization was what might be described as interesting. One part of my being through my one good ear would literally hear the demands for homogenization from commercials, teachers, parents etc., etc., etc., while the somewhat less than deaf side of my reality might sort of hear something like - “what, are you stupid?” The trouble often being i couldn’t be sure whether the quizzical look from the other was surprise from my weird eyes or from some extravagantly inappropriate comment/question. Metaphors are sometimes too real for words. What eventually became clear, was if i allowed the external world to define for my "normality," - there would never be a place for me in the world.
I once asked my mother, why it seemed gay men wanted my attention - without missing a beat she replied, “maybe because you are so colorful.” That may be the kindest thing ma has ever said about me, kidding, sort of. Having spent many years of study in the arts, a tolerance for people’s life style choices was a given until a savage domestic betrayal wounded me so deeply that i am only just escaping the blanket condemnation of an entire segment of the population. Nor would my narrow-minded reaction be an abnormal response by any number of cultural metrics. It is during times of personal development, my abnormal inclinations become really useful. The people my last wife used to effectuate her liberation are the only persons worthy of my oh-so-rare enmity, and so we’re clear on the concept, rather than enmity, i should be creating honorariums, and lobby for national holidays in their names. It is the blanket condemnation which i bring to bear, when thwarted, that it not normal, or more accurately, too fucking normal. People strive for stasis, the same condition to which a healthy organism rights itself whenever possible - hungry - eat, tired - sleep etc., etc., etc. The world we inhabit has been hijacked by a concept which considers those natural instincts abnormal, or not a personal prerogative. From a profit extraction point of view, i can well understand the awkwardness for a superior being told by an employee, “Excuse me boss, had a tough night, and i gotta grab 40 winks. See ya’ in about an hour.” That is, if you accept profit extraction as a normal criteria for human behavior, which i don’t. This is not because bettering one’s lot should not be a widely propagated idea, but to do so at the expense of all around you, is not only not normal, it is insane. It is the same sort of disconnect we have arrived at existentially - i am alive, that is good; death is going to happen, and i don’t know what that means · ergo, it must be bad.
The divide and conquer strategy of the wealthiest amongst us has so much relied on this fixation with greed and death, that their profit extraction systems are endangering the very existence of our species, all save those empty souls believing the human experience can be fathomed by digital technology and even be uploaded into an immortal race of droids; in powerful circles this is not considered abnormal thinking. If we of humanity were as intent on understanding their 'trail of excess' as the uber-rich are in knowing our 'trail of crumbs', we’d all be able to call that excess up on an app and see their perfidy for ourselves. However, “normal” today means the chief executive to the highest office in the land, need not share his tax data with you; you on the other hand on penalty of ________ fill in the blank, must cut out your monetary heart and prove that it is beating for any middling bureaucrat, public or private sector (the lines are blurred anymore as to who is who) that asks. Yet that arrangement is considered normal by the news analysts tasked with explaining the workings of reality to the great unwashed. How can things have gotten so far from the pursuit of happiness, that happiness is considered touchy-feely-new-agey-gay-communist-2nd-ammendment—attacking liberal propaganda? If you don’t believe me, look up from your screen and feel how many around you are happy. That is a nearly impossible task, for so many of us have been sold a bill of goods which dictates unhappiness is reason enough for medication, shopping or any number of other inducements that are guaranteed to protect you from Blaise Pascal - “All of humanity’s troubles stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Based on this definition, we are heading for more trouble, not less. I can’t speak for you, and i am no marine, but i don’t have to seek out trouble, it manages to find me. It is a sad commentary on our level of development as a species wherein the Dalai Lama has to remind us that happiness is normal, not the lucre from some tooth and nail donnybrook at the mall.
I have friends that i grew up with; some who view their monetary position as achievement; some their lack of accreditation as failure; while others are convinced their spiritual pursuits will provide immortality - these are very normal conditions within the cohort i grew up. That was a long time ago; it has taken some fairly jarring events, and a good deal of aging to reach a point where i can accept those circumstances as normal for some, but not for me. Nor could i really tell you what it is i do seek, or whether in fact i haven’t found what i seek and am too stuck in a former frame of reference, lacking the courage of my convictions to accept that i am happy - well that sounds a little harsh, not unlike the criticisms one might hear from the ambitious cohorts i grew up in. Today i spend months on a single drawing; that is not practical and it causes consternation with artisan friends who labor under the Sword of Damocles to make a living from their alla prima concept of creativity. I am not an art worker, nor dilettante from wealth and privilege; early in my art vocation it became clear i would never be the captain of my ship and ever at the mercy of art movers and shakers until i could buy back my creative prerogative and own my time. I do not recommend this approach to anyone with their heart set on fame and fortune, for it is abnormal to laugh at one’s patrons, much less eliminate them from the buyer’s pool. If i have any say, which if Mark Rothko is any harbinger, i do not, but if i do have any say in what happens to my work: you must prove 1/2 of your net worth has no relationship to the richest .01% HNWI, or you may not purchase or possess my stone carvings. It is a conceit to believe you have control of anything, but it is immoral to have something and not take responsibility for that. Laugh if you must; don’t buy if you like, but don’t expect to find hand-hewn stone carvings, or machine-hewn granite by a left-handed two-eyed cyclops anywhere else in the world.
So if normal has become abnormal, and vice-versa what good is tradition? In days-gone-by acceptable behavior was developed over time for a community, or culture; dangerous and unfruitful behavior was gradually extinguished, while what contributed to the common good was nurtured and propagated. Today corporate media wizards control what behavior gets propagated, and the only motivation i can see for why one behavior is favored and another extinguished is profit. To me that is not only not illogical, it is not normal. A quaint homily while growing up was “it takes money, to make money” has now morphed into “critical mass” - a point at which a self-sutstaining state is reached. Remember we are only talking about symbols representing value, symbols that have no relationship to wellbeing, tragedy, love, grief or any other commonly used expressions for the human condition. That is not normal. Even the black holes of our universe emit something identifiable thanks to Sir Hawkings’ abnormal mental acuity, whereas financial wherewithal is more like a cancer which only exists for its own growth; that is not normal, or it’s a normal that needs far better understanding if it is to ever take its rightful place in our infantile civilization. If you feel yourself to be abnormal, as i do about myself, i can only recommend that you narrow that grandiose gauge back down within your own skin - to begin to evaluate normalcy based on your own internal metrics. Learn what your limits are by exceeding them and pursuing the boundaries of your comfort zone. However, if you find your very existence provokes others to describe, or behave toward, you as though you are abnormal, you may want to find kinder friends, for If we expect to survive the coming test of our so highly touted adaptability, it might be a good time to bone up on the fundamentals. John Wooden - “Happiness, begins where selfishness ends.”
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normal - a sonnet
life is too fucking short to be normal;
by the time you found any examples,
the test proctor’d be saying the clock’s full.
Say you found normal - odds on, it was pills.
Some say “you need to be like us - not odd,”
others ask why can’t you be different¿
When i hear that now, i just look and nod
hoping to get back - following the scent.
Normally i get hungry, so i eat
guided to food by its fine aroma
grown much finer giving most of the meat,
but not all the carnal phenomena.
beware clerics who demand you believe
if you just be normal, you’ll never leave.
jts 03/26/2018
http://josephtstevens.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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